Projection is at the root of Depression
Whatever happens in the world is real, what one thinks should have happened is projection. We suffer more from our fictitious illusion and expectations of reality.
I hear it all the time and it drives me crazy. “If he really loved you, he “should” want to spend more time with you” or “We shouldn’t have to tell people to watch their language, they should already know”. My favorite is when people rant about “people ‘should’ all chip in and make the world a better place.
Unfortunately, these projections and false expectations only reflect one’s own values, rather than reality.
“Should” or “Shouldn’t” are not Real, only Personal Projection
The definition of reality is something that actually happens. What we think “SHOULD” happen is NOT reality. Instead, it’s just our own projection of what we think reality ought to be.
The problem with this is that people live around their own expectations and their own versions of reality instead of actually adapting to reality itself. For example, if my girlfriend asks me to drive her somewhere and I refuse, depending on her values and expectations, she can say “I’m your girlfriend, you should want to drive me there”.
That may be true to her because she expects it, but these are value based assumptions. Not everyone has the same background and not everyone makes the same associations. So creating expectations based on our own world view (or values) will only create problems.
Far too often, arguments are created from false expectations. Rather than understand, anticipate and prepare for differences, people end up settling for the “you should have known better”mentality. They find it easier to just blame the other person for “not getting it” and not meeting their expectations without reflecting on themselves. Based on the other person’s background, was their communication clear? Did they sense any confusion? How did the person interpret it?
These are all questions we should be responsible for instead of blaming others.
Reality is Simple
What happens in the world is real, what one thinks “SHOULD” happen is not. It’s that simple. Whether we like what’s happening or not doesn’t matter. “People shouldn’t need protein to survive, it’s wrong to kill animals!” Unfortunately, that doesn’t matter. We can click our heels and throw our lucky penny into the wishing well, it won’t make it real. What IS real is that we NEED protein and until we perfect cloning, we’ll have to kill animals. It’s just reality.
It’s simple to complain and not accept the world, but people mistake accepting the world the way it is for giving up. It’s not the same. People are heavily judged on their looks and we may think it’s shallow or cruel, but what it really is, is just the state of things.
Our opinions don’t really matter. We either get with the program or move out of the way. We can work on changing the program if we have a valid theory on the subject of personal interest, but in the meanwhile, we need to accept the fact that it exists, it’s real and it is effecting us right here, right now.
Don’t let your own values and your personal world view interfere with the reality of the world around you!!