I’m not interested in closure. Some people just have heart attacks and die, right? There’s no closure.
Sometimes things happen and that’s all there is to it. You can’t make everyone happy and reading into a situation too much is usually a waste of time. Learning to let go of closure is probably one of the most liberating habits out there.
- You can’t make everyone happy
- Not every problem needs solving. Some things are better the way they are
- Sometimes we must sacrifice face to get our point across
- Avoid getting stuck in predicting a response from a person
- Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to apologize
- You are not obligated to make anyone happy but yourself
- Being is more important than seeming
Closure is a Fairy Tale
Whether it’s ending a relationship on bad terms or leaving a job because of a difference, many people feel uncomfortable without closure. The problem with closure is that we end up being dependent on the other person or group for our feelings. Now don’t confuse leaving without closure with burning bridges. There’s a difference between ending a relationship by insulting someone or ending a relationship by explaining your differences and leaving.
Leaving a job, team, relationship or friendship because of your reason is good enough. If I have a fight with my mother because she wants me to go to work and I want to stay home and start a business, there will always be heat. I shouldn’t stress myself trying to make her understand me, because her interpretation of what I’m explaining and doing will be different than what I’m trying to explain. She grew up in a different world than I have. The value system that she’s indoctrinated by will not allow her to understand me. At that point, I have to accept that there will be no closure. She will not understand me and I will not understand her. There is no point in feeling insulted or trying to insult her. Leaving the situation as it is would be “closure”
Real closure is efficiency. If something isn’t broken, don’t try and fix it. If you don’t know how to fix something, leave it alone or you may make it worse. Sometimes people ruin relationships with others by trying to fix them. If your friend is upset for whatever reason, just let them calm themselves down unless they come to you for support. Constantly trying to help or fix situations with others will lead to conflict. That’s not to say it can’t be done. It can, only when both people are on the same playing field. If you’re both interpreting the same information differently (ex. someone is upset), then it’s hard to rationalize. Forget getting closure and look at the bigger picture.
There’s nothing wrong with admitting you can’t fix or deal with a situation. Take a step back and let things sort themselves out. Real closure is being able to accept differences and let life carry on.