Listen now, Understand Later……..
- You can’t change anyone
- Only give advice if asked
- Just because someone listens doesn’t mean they understand
- Sometimes we think we understand, but it’s impossible to fully understand
- Less judgement and more respect goes a long way
- Change by example
Change of Heart
There are many times where we swear we’re right about something. We feel like there has to be a way to show someone exactly how we see it. Unfortunately, our language today is subject to interpretation. The meanings and intent of whatever you’re trying to show the person is only associated by their background. For example; if someone who is going through a break up tries to explain the situation to someone who has never been through one, there will be a communication problem. The other person can only look at the situation and try to match it with some sorrow they have experienced in the past. That association is a reflex. It’s a pattern recognition habit that is developed early. It’s tough for people to just listen and try to understand. Everyone feels good about giving advice, so even when unsure, they tend to do so.
The best way to try and get someone to see something your way is by example. Give very little “talk”. As little talk as possible. Only if they ask questions should you discuss it. Show them that you respect their decisions and understand their views. Don’t lie about it either. Keep asking questions until you really do understand them. NO ONE likes to be lectured. Everyone likes simplicity. Answer in simple, understandable terms. Don’t use big words or suave language to feel smart.
Change of View
One good way to make someone see a mental image that you’ve painted in your head is to use specific analogies.They should relate to that person’s life. Make sure the analogies are relative to the topic. For example; lets say you have a friend that’s trying to learn to type properly on a keyboard. Your friend is nervous they will forget how to type if they go a while without doing so. Some will say something like “your body will remember. It’s muscle memory”. That analogy is not really very clear. People will have a different interpretation of what “muscle memory” means. That will only leave your friend confused. A better way to explain it is to relate it to someone’s life. You can say “it’s like riding a bike”. Most people understand that analogy, but what if they haven’t road a bike? That’s where knowing the person well comes in. You can’t FAKE understanding them or else everything will fall apart in the long run. If they’re an athlete in a certain sport, you can say something like “Hey, I bet you won’t forget how to throw a football if you took time off!” And now they will associate that feeling with the typing.
Last, but not least. Not everything we do is effective for others and vice versa. We all live in our own reality and most people are happy where they are………for the most part. Don’t pressure anyone. Sit back, let life do its thing and teach people. That way you don’t have to. Although sometimes it’s nice to steer people in the right direction, just know that you can’t unless they want. You can spark their interest, but the rest has to come from them.