Trying to “help” someone before you really understand them is like trying to answer a question you haven’t even heard yet. It doesn’t make sense, does it?
- Do A LOT more listening than talking
- If something sounds ambiguous, ask what they mean until you know 100%
- Understanding them is good enough.
- NEVER assume you know what they’re talking about, always ask more
- Everyone is different. We all have different likes and dislikes
- Don’t get mad.
- Chances are, they won’t listen to you.
- A habit doesn’t change over night
An argument is basically two people who don’t understand each other. Unless you understand the other person, there is no way you can approach them and make them understand you. Going into a problem “knowing” you’re right is dangerous because it doesn’t offer a solution to the other person. It just means that you want them to see things your way. They can’t see things your way.
The best thing you can do as a problem slover is to know a solution has to come from the person. The only way to do that is to ask questions and do a lot of listening. See where the other person is coming from and try to approach it from his/her angle. Put your biases aside! Most people have a habit of just wanting to give a solution based on their own experiences. The problem here is that the other person hasn’t had the same experiences as you!
Most problems are easily avoidable as long as we leave emotions and ego aside. Think of it this way. Look at the image below and tell me what you see…….
An old woman or a young lady? Which one is it?
Whatever you see, it’s both. Look hard enough and you may be able to see both, the young woman and the old lady.. When two people don’t understand each other, it literally means both people are looking at the same picture, but see two different things. You have to try to see what the other person is seeing to make a difference.
Understanding takes a lot of patience Don’t get judgmental or display negative emotions Leave personal feelings out of it. Of course, there is a place for emotions. Let them know that you’re sincere and you’re with them emotionally.
Even if two friends are arguing over who takes the last seat on the bus, the only thing both sides should be looking for is a solution. No need to insult each other and no need to let frustration dictate the situation. Something like that can be resolved by both of them simply agreeing to sit half of the ride and offer your friend the remainder of the ride, until another seat opens up.